Friends, I was unsure about telling what I am about to tell. I did not want to encourage this type of behaviour, nor turn your gentle stomachs but, quite frankly, I cannot get it out of my mind.
We had a staff meeting this morning and talk turned to unacceptable behaviour in the library. You may believe all libraries to be quiet temples of learning where all comport themselves with grace and composure, but you would be wrong. The entire rich, gross tapestry of life can be found within these hallowed walls.
One member of staff began to tell of the time that she found some lost property. It was a brief case. A fancy briefcase. Said member of staff took this object into her office, admired the shiny leather and, hoping to find some owner identification inside, plucked open the polished gold clasps.
Inside she saw, a pile of 'jazz' mags. And. A. Poo.
The entire contents of the briefcase were drenched liberally with urine.
The poor woman wept into a delicate, lace handkerchief as she told of this event which has led to several years in therapy and terrible, terrible nightmares for all members of staff who were on that day.
Just in case it is not clear, this sort of thing is unacceptable in Orkney Library and Archive.