Thursday, 8 April 2010

My Tea and Bun Hell

The keyword 'election' retrieves 147 records in our database. Posters, special editions of newspapers, manifestos and leaflets have all been carefully saved for posterity.

Orkney has, for the last 60 years, been a Liberal, later Liberal-Democrat seat. This began with the very popular Jo Grimond's 33 years as MP for Orkney and Shetland and continued with 18 years from Jim Wallace and the current MP for the Isles, Alastair Carmichael.

There is a lot of dissatisfaction with the political process nowadays with many people unattracted by any of the three major parties. That is why Orkney Library and Archive plan to start their own amazing political party.

Our aims are simple: to promote interest in local culture and history and encourage the collection and preservation of 'old tat'. We further hope to raise the profile of the pleasures of a simple book. Our slogan will be something like 'Stop doing that crack and heroin, read a book instead.' I cannot believe that no-one has thought of this already.

We are a modern institution and realise the importance of capturing the media attention. Our candidate has already lined up an interview with the Orcadian wherein they plan to talk candidly about that time they got a stapler stuck under their fingernail when removing it from a deposit and 'My tea and bun hell'. A few teary pictures should move even the most stone-hearted of voters.

Getting the candidate's other half to mince about town in an M&S dress whilst distributing home-made snacks may be harder to achieve but should ultimately be worth it.

Our campaign song will probably be 'No Stoppin' Us' by Ollie and Jerry, which is also the theme tune to Breakin' (Electric Boogaloo), surely the greatest film that has ever been made about Breakdancing.

The first campaign meeting shall take place next week. Come down and bust some moves with us and eat some radical home-bakes. You can also bring the £1,500 you owe us for the last three posts. You thieves.

If you need to check if you are registered to vote, then the Archive hold a copy of the electoral register which you are welcome to consult.

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