Biscuity Nonsense

The next time someone tries to wrestle the 20th biscuit from your hand you can now shout 'Do you want me to be a dental cripple? Well, DO YOU?!!'


You're welcome.


Taken from a 1968 Orcadian.

We Do Like Biscuits... are You SURE They Like Us?

Some welcome alternative facts on biscuits from the lying advertisers of yore:

Taken from a 1945 edition of The Orcadian.

Maybe living in wartime Britain wasn't as bad as I've always assumed if biscuits were considered a health food.

We've fallen for this nonsense before though...

A Biscuit That Can Get You Drunk. FINALLY...

You know how it's really annoying that you can't pour wine down your throat whilst simultaneously cramming your face with biscuits? Problem over readers, problem solved:

Wine biscuits. Perfect for surreptitious staff-room drunkenness and for drowning your sorrows whilst wearing your over-sized mourning clothes.

Advert taken from 1940 edition of Peace's Orkney Almanac.

Stop Press

Finally, a Katie Melua  we can get on board with. Courtesy of today's BBC website. Keep that hard-hittin' news coming.

If, like Katie, you too enjoy a digestive, then hurry to the foyer of the library and enjoy one with a free cuppa.

A Riddle and Biscuits (but not riddled biscuits... ew)

2 things for your perusal this gloomy Monday morning.

#1: A letter which mentions biscuits.

#2: a man on a pig.

Biscuit letter reference D2/9/15 (Miscellaneous Manson family correspondence and vouchers mainly relating to William Manson, wright, Kirkwall and his business and his son Captain William Manson's business and activities in Jamaica and Georgia.)

Man on pig reference D8/E/27 [G3] (Map of Sebay, Tankerness Dundas Estate. William Aberdeen c. 1769.)

Scary Biscuits

Biscuits are important in a work place. They make or break both tea-breaks and reputations. Woe betide those staff members who do not bring in their share, but pity even more those who bring in biscuits that are not up to scratch.


A certain well-meaning but ultimately misguided staff member brought some very promising looking chocolate sandwich-type specimens in today. They did not taste good. One by one hands reached, mouths chewed, eyes narrowed and angry insults flew. Even tea did nothing to remedy their tasteless, mealy dryness.

To put this catastrophe into context, we looked out an old recipe book from 1712 as you can usually rely upon old recipes sounding horrific. It all sounds okay though. Many more herbs and spices were being used than I would have guessed; cloves, mace, nutmeg, ginger, sage and thyme all make an appearance, and although there are many instructions to 'boyle' things until they fall apart or until you have lost the will to live, and there are recipes involving skinned cod's heads and non-specific 'shoulders', it all ends up sounding reasonably tasty.

I probably won't try the Colour A Pigg recipe anytime soon however.

Recipe book reference D14/7/1 dated circa 1714.