"They Have as Much Idea of a Rhinoceros as a Poet..."

We've written about Robert Burns a couple of times before but we have not yet shared this letter. It is a copy letter (before carbon copies, people often copied out letters by hand) and was found, loose, in a book of health reports several years ago.

It is from Robert, writing from his farm at Ellisland, to John Beugo the artist who made the above engraving from the famous portrait by Alexander Naysmith.

In it, he confesses of being bored by Dumfrieshire society; 'I am here at the very elbow of existence' and complains that his neighbours 'have as much idea of a rhinoceros as of a poet.'

He asks Buego to keep in touch and to send him proofs any portraits the artist completes.

Orkney Archive reference D1/15/6 - Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

Dusty is our resident Rabbie expert because he is her boyfriend but she got all huffy after reading that he was back with his 'darling Jean' and is currently sulking in her office with a bottle of gin.

A transcription follows:

To Mr.John Beugo,

Ellisland, near Dumfries Sept. 9- 1788.

My Dear Sir,

There is not in Edinburgh. above the number of the graces

whose letters would have given so much pleasure as yours of the 3rd
inst., which only reached me yesternight.

I am here on my farm, busy with my harvest; but for all that most
pleasurable part of life called Social Communication I am here at the
very elbow of existence. The only things that are to be found in this
country, in any degree of perfection, are Stupidity and Canting. Prose
they only know in Graces, Prayers, etc., and the value of these they
estimate, as they do their plaiding webs, by the ell; as for the muses,
they have as much an idea of a Rhinoceros as of a Poet. For my old,
capricious, but good-natured hussy of a muse,

  By banks of Nith I sat and wept
   When Coila I thought on,
  In midst thereof I hung my harp
   The willow trees upon.

I am generally about half my time in Ayrshire with my "darling Jean,"
and then I, at lucid intervals, throw my horny fist across my
becobwebbed lyre, much in the same manner as an old wife throws her hand
across the spokes of her spinning-wheel.

I will send you the Fortunate Shepherdess as soon as I return to
Ayrshire, for there I keep it with other precious treasure. I shall send
it by a careful hand, as I would not for anything it should be mislaid
or lost. I do not wish to serve you from any benevolence, or other grave
Christian virtue; 'tis purely a selfish gratification of my own feelings
whenever I think of you.

You do not tell me if you are going to be married. Depend upon it, if you do not make some damned foolish choice, it will be a very great improvement in the Dish of Life. I can speak from Experience; tho' God knows my choice was as random as Blind-man's buff. I like the idea of an honest country Rake of my acquaintance who like myself married lately - speaking to me of his late steps "L--d man" says he "a body's baithe cheaper and better sairt!"

If your better functions would give you leisure to write me, I should be
extremely happy; that is to say, if you neither keep nor look for a
regular correspondence. I hate the idea of being obliged to write a
letter. I sometimes write a friend twice a week; at other times once
a quarter.

I am exceedingly pleased with your fancy in making the author you
mention place a map of Iceland, instead of his portrait, before his
works; 'twas a glorious idea.

Could you conveniently do me one thing?--whenever you finish any head, I
should like to have a proof copy of it. I might tell you a long story
about your fine genius; but, as what everybody knows cannot have escaped
you, I shall not say one syllable about it.

If you see Mr Nasmith, remember me to him most respectfully as he both loves and deserves respect; tho if he would pay less respect to the meer carcasse of greatness, I should think him much nearer perfection:

My best direction for four or five months to come, is "at Mauchline"

I am truly my Dear Sir, yours to command

Robt. Burns



The Youngest Ensign?

Another mystery from our Balfour Blogger...

Box 22 of the Balfour papers contains many bundles of correspondence, tightly tied with old string, unopened for who knows how long.

They are on the whole dull: most relate to the sorting out of North Lowland Fencible regimental financial affairs after the death in August 1799 of Colonel Thomas Balfour. There is clearly much to be sorted and the debate goes back and fore for years and it is blatantly clear just how much Tom Balfour was in the British Army to make money: he argues every penny of bread money, of uniform costs, of lodgings; he is slow to pay his bills; he is quick to claim bounty on recruits. And he may even be the man who can lay claim to recruiting the youngest Ensign in the British Army…………….

Ray Fereday in The Orkney Balfours 1747 – 99 p156 tells of the purchase of commissions in 1794 for the 14 year old John Edward Balfour, son of Colonel Tom Balfour, by his wealthy uncle, John regardless of the fact that Edward was still a school boy at Harrow. Previously he had held the rank of Ensign in his father’s regiment, the Orkney & Shetland Fencibles. His father saw nothing wrong with the duplicity, there are many Ensigns in the service younger than he. (D2 17 Jan 1794, see Fereday Ch 6 footnote 47). An Ensign was the lowest ranking commissioned officer of the British Army of the day.

One explanation of the purchases/recruitment is that the Balfours were seeking to give young Edward a head start in terms of service and seniority, albeit fictitious, against the day when he actually joined the Army. But perhaps it was also to lay hands on his pay?

An even more startling example of the ‘recruitment’ of youthful ensigns emerges from the dustiness of Box 22, bundle no 9, with the story of Charles De Monti.

I have made many forays into the North Lowland Fencibles’ records over a number of years and was curious to see payments to an Ensign Charles De Monti, signed off by the Regiment’s Paymaster on 31 March 1796. It’s an unusual surname and a new one to me – someone worth keeping an eye out for and finding out more about. And why hadn’t I spotted him previously in many other Regimental records?

Next out of the bundle were 2 receipts, signed Edinburgh February 13^th 1796, for subsistence to Ensign De Monti, and signed X Charles De Monti. The payments were for the periods 15 November 1794 to 11 September 1795, and 12 September 1795 to 28 February 1796. Interestingly, it was on 15 November 1794 that Tom Balfour was appointed Colonel of the North Lowland Fencibles.

Orkney Archive Reference D2/22/9

Curiouser and Curiouser. Why on earth would an Ensign, an officer, albeit the lowest rank of commissioned officer, be unable to sign his name?  Why too would that X be witnessed by 2 witnesses, being H de Monti and Anne B de Monti? Was he ill and unable to sign?

Next document in the mystery was a letter, also written in Edinburgh, dated February 13th 1796 from H de Monti to Colonel Thomas Balfour. He was now enclosing the two receipts for my Son’s subsistence, which you were so good as to promise you would order to be paid here after having received them.

Orkney Archive reference D2/22/9

Some delving into others of the Balfour and Baikie papers, into Ray Fereday’s most-valuable book and on-line, produce the following scenario.

Tom Balfour had three cousins, the daughters of his uncle Thomas Balfour of Huip. Elizabeth married Robert Nicolson, an Orkney- based trusted man of Tom Balfour’s. Mary married Robert Baikie of Tankerness. Ann married Hurka de Monti.

Hurka introduces himself to the Balfour/Baikie men in a letter of September 1792, explaining that he has come to Orkney to pursue Ann Balfour, who he believes is not averse to my wishes. He is, he writes, descended from a younger Brother of an ancient family of Germany. He served 8 years in Prince Esterhazy’s Regiment, and left it 4 years previously. He has inherited a small landed property in Italy from his mother, which is laden with debt and he has paid many of these debts but yet still I owe about 8 hundred pounds sterling.

It is an astonishing document particularly given that Hurka de Monti is a music teacher in Edinburgh, a profession in which he is forever unlikely to raise £800 (equivalent today £108800) and maintain the means of day to day living. He has made his way to Orkney, laid bare his financial extremity to men for whom every shilling is hostage, and asks for Tom Balfour’s cousin/ Robert Baikie’s sister in law as his wife. And he wins her!



Ann Balfour married Hurka de Monti on 14th May 1793 according to a document from the Baikie of Tankerness papers. In a draft affidavit of June 1801, Robert Baikie, Karen Christie and James Robertson state that Joseph Hurka De Monti and Ann Balfour were married according to the rite of the Roman Catholic Church in Edinburgh on 14 May 1793. Her cousin, the Edinburgh lawyer, and brother of Tom, David Balfour was horrified – but the imminent marriage had been kept from him. On 15 May 1793 David wrote (D2/11/1) to tell his mother of the marriage which had he known of it, he would have opposed … to the utmost of my power. It seems the Orkney men of the family had approved but it is the view of David’s wife, Marion, on 27 June 1793 that they will be a miserable pair. I think the chance is he will go off and leave her. (D2/11/1)




The Affidavit, Orkney Archive reference D24/11/100

In February 1794, Ann was pregnant. (Marion Balfour, D2/8/19). She is pregnant again in February 1795, as round as a ball (Frances Balfour, D2/8/19).

Her first child is Charles.  Given the dates above, he was born sometime between February and August 1794. On 15 November 1794 he was at best 9 months old; at worst 3 months.

Charles de Monti was unable to sign the receipt for his pay because he was unable to write, or even yet to speak or walk! His parents have been helped out by Tom Balfour, or, rather, the British taxpayer, in a breathtakingly, audacious manipulation of Regimental funds.

Hurka De Monti makes a few further appearances in the Balfour records, writing to Frances, widow of Tom Balfour. Ann Balfour de Monti, his wife, does not reappear and it may be that her marriage was not long-lasting, not because he left her but because she did not live long. Perhaps the affidavit in the Baikie papers, dated 1801, was drawn up on Ann’s death to confirm De Monti’s claims on her estate? David Balfour had made sure, after the marriage which so angered him, that any Balfour money was for her and her children, not for her husband. Somewhere in the Balfour and Baikie papers, or maybe with someone who reads this blog, we’ll establish what happened to Ann, but whatever ….  she could claim to be the mother of a remarkable prodigy, the baby recruited to protect Britain from the French.

Get Off My Island!

Frances Ligonier Balfour

Long-term readers may remember our great excitement when Eastenders hosted a live episode for their 25th anniversary. 'How can this be topped?' we asked. By live WEEK 30th anniversary Eastenders, that's how.




We have been celebrating here in the archive by beating each other on the head with ashtrays, having secret affairs and accusing loved ones of murder. We have also spent most of our working hours in the pub or the caff without detriment to our jobs. Sorry customers.




We have also had a look at Orkney's own steely matriarch of the Balfour family, Frances Ligonier Balfour.


Frances has been described as 'supercilious, ironic with a sharp wit and fond of argument'.


Although the daughter of an aristocratic father, Frances was actually illegitimate but this does not seem to have harmed her social standing. Intelligent and clever and plain, Frances had struggled in the late 18th century marriage market until she met 'flamboyant and charming' Thomas Balfour. Tom was ten years her junior so Frances lied about her age and they were wed soon after meeting.


Frances had three children in her late thirties and was devoted to them and her beloved husband who, unfortunately, kept disappearing off to Dublin only to return with lice, typhus fever and illegitimate children on the way.


As Tom lay on his death bed, Frances coolly received a volley of increasingly frantic letters from her husband's pregnant mistress. She agreed to uphold Tom's offer of a £50/year annuity for the child and to keep in touch.


"my daughter was a legacy bequeathed to you and I have no doubt you will fulfil your promise." (The mysterious Mrs Jackson/M/Clifford to Frances soon after her daughter's birth.)


The year before, Frances had been outraged by her daughter Mary's elopement with the socially inferior Church minister Alexander Brunton.


"I have been betray'd by the blackest ingratitude and perfidy.They went to Glasgow as soon as the ceremony was performed. They are still there but have not condescended to write,." (Frances to her sister-in -law).


Mary and Alexander further horrified her when informing her of their plans to take in lodgers to make ends meet.


 "Your Sister and her Husband I am inform'd are to go to reside in Edinburgh immediately. They propose taking Boarders. I wish I was rich enough to prevent so disgraceful a means of increasing their Income" (Frances to her son William).


Frances was more relaxed about William's love life as, 5 years after the elopement, when he was considering taking a wife she gave him this advice:


"Let it not raise your vanity if I tell you, I believe you may throw your handkerchief to any of our Orkney Belles. Men are scarce, competence scarcer, and a Gentleman the scarcest of the three. You ask me if there is any good natured Girl of my Acquaintance who would accept of you? In a matter of such importance you shou'd chuse for yourself, but my present advice is (tho' rather a licentious one for a parent,) that, for a year to come you wou'd take a Mistress, not into keeping, but a Lady who can keep you..."


Like all the best soap matriarchs, Frances didn't mince her words and was as tough as old boots. She died of a terminal illness in 1813 leaving behind a rich, well-spiced correspondence for future historians to savour.


"You can have no idea what a set of wretches this Country (Orkney) is inhabited. An honest Man would almost stand alone in it."

Frances' angry letter after the elopement of her daughter, Mary. D2/8/16

 

 

 Information taken from Orkney Archive references:

D2/5/6

D2/11/16

D2/7/3

D2/27/11

Who Was Who In Orkney by W. S. Hewison

The Orkney Balfours 1747-99 by Ray Fereday

"A POX UPON YOU!!....."

...Is the curse we have been using of late after finding this amusing letter addressed to Alexander Watt, merchant in 1768.

In it, Robert Sandison expresses amazement that a young woman of their acquaintance is to marry a 'Parched, sapless soldier' saying 'a pox upon you young cow hearted fellows to let so many pretty charmers slip into the arms of old, worn out powder.'

He then bemoans his hangover: ''must now draw to a conclusion my Caput (head) being in great disorder after a Debauch last night...some of us Youngsters had a private dance with some ladies of our acquaintance & after seeing them home we had a severe frolick...' What does THAT mean I wonder?


Orkney Archive Reference D1/437/1

Never Mind 50 Shades of Grey...

Check out this home-grown Orkney filth! The terms of our Disclosure Scotland contract probably forbid us to directly type this vile and sinful poem, so here is a scan taken from David Hubert Balfour's book entitled To The Unborn:

Steamy stuff, I'm sure you'll agree. The archive staff have attached a fan to the spine of the book after one member of staff fell into a swoon of horror upon discovering it and several customers have been threatening to sue the library after suffering heart attacks, seizures and/or strokes.

Look at this! :

Uggggggghhhhhh!!!

David, the last Balfour laird, was described as a 'charming, convivial, utterly irresponsible man-about-town*' who was married and divorced four times. Reminds me a little of another Balfour cad...

*Who Was Who In Orkney, W. S. Hewison

Stinkbombs In The Library!

About half an hour ago, a sulphurous whiff reached our delicate nostrils. At first we assumed that one of our colleagues or customers had eaten a few too many egg sandwiches, but it has become apparent that stink bombs have been activated on the stairs, children's area and both ends of the top floor!

Staff members are currently patrolling the building armed with air freshener, so the situation is under control. We are sprinkling the ground with sweets and football stickers, making a trail to a big box propped up on a stick, to catch the offenders.

We shall then punish them in kind by locking them in with the smelly moths collection in the BioDiversity store.