Sooth Mooth Woe: My Hot Sex Story

It is sometimes difficult manning the phones at an Island library & archive when you are not a local. There are all kinds of strange author names and book titles and sometimes mistakes are made.


Here in the archive, we take our turn to receive the incoming calls from the public for the whole building. It was my turn last Friday morning:


ME: (brightly, courteously and terribly professionally) Good Morning, Orkney Library and Archive, Archiver speaking!


CALLER: This is a very broad-accented aulder gentleman here looking fer a book!


ME: (brightly, courteously and terribly professionally) Just a moment *brings up screen on pc* What is the title of the book?


CALLER: Hot Sex.


ME: Em... pardon?


CALLER: (clearly and carefully) HOT. SEX.


ME: (thinking) Is he saying hot sex? Is this a rude nuisance call? Is he saying hot sex to me?
         Emmmm..... what is the author's name?


CALLER: Welsh man.


ME: (thinking) A rude Welsh man? Is that a euphemism?? *looks up Welshman, Welschmann,  Welchman etc. on system*


I'm afraid we have no books by that author's name.


CALLER: Hid's no matter....hid's aboot codes.


ME: What?


CALLER: The book's aboot codes.


ME: (thinking) Rude codes? Is that a euphemism?


 I'm sorry that I couldn't help.


CALLER: Hid's no matter. Ch'o noo.


ME: (primly) Good bye. *frantically googles*








Dear readers, this was the book: