Friday, 30 November 2012

Touché, Touché, Away!

We are not too strict in the Orkney Archive. We tolerate chatter as long as it does not drown out our own gossipping; turn deaf ears to the mobile phones of visibly embarrassed readers and we have even been known to allow people to keep their bags by their side if they dance for us a little.

But. No drinks, no pens, no unauthorised photos and no culottes. We don't like them.

Today is the birthday of the fab Mandy Patinkin who played the greatest alcoholic, sword-slashing Spaniard of all time: Inigo Montoya. In honour of this day, if patrons break any of our rules this week then they shall feel the sharp tap of steel upon one shoulder. When they turn around, they shall be greeted by the sight of a member of the archive staff wielding a glinting sword and wearing a leather jerkin and velvet pantaloons. They shall then hear these chilling words:

"My name is archivist,
You spill your juice/write on vellum/take sneaky photo/look unbecoming

Prepare to die."

If said customer has neglected to bring their sword then they shall be provided with one and then they shall fight us to the death. Or to the pain.


  1. I have been mostly dead all day. Do you by any chance have a miracle pill?

  2. My name is not Inigo Montoya, but as a former archivist myself, I applaud your swashbuckling approach to those who would spill juice, write on vellum, take unauthorized photos, or look unbecoming! I shall don my pirate accoutrements and join ye in defending the archives to the death! Avast!

    Thanks to my friend Anne (who manages the Smooth Reading Pool on Distributed Proofreaders) for linking to this post in our forum. I shall have to keep tabs on you. For, who knows, perchance my Culbert ancestors once dwelt near Orkney.

  3. Welcome aboard GenKnit! Huzzah!

  4. It's not only Mandy Patinkin's birthday, but also The Princess Bride's 25th birthday this year!

  5. Of course! 1987! How thrilling...

    Now, how to persuade our bosses that spending our stock-take week filming our own version would be a good idea...

  6. How brilliant! I will don my pantaloons for work this week, although I think the University at which I am a Librarian may have rather strict policies about bringing swords to work!

  7. Sometimes we just use a stapler like in Pretty In Pink:


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